Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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