Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize