he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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