too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
