All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
