look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
