waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
