I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
