Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize