I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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