I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
