It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
