you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
