Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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