My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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