just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
