when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize