Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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