I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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