sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
