He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
