Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize