In the future we'll all be gay
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
