The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
