i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
