I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
