Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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