either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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