Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
