Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
