when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
