"it" just moved
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Holy shit dude........stairs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
