she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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