I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
