Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
