I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
