So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
