dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
