oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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