For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
