You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
