she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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