My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
