my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
