It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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