They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
