there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
