The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
