Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
