First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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