OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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