omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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