but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
