ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
