kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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