So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
