Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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