sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
