Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize