Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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